Change

I definatly ned to make some changes in my life. I think I'm going to start with the people I surround myself with. I've spent way to many years to be drama free and I wont let certain people ruin that.

My heart on my sleeve

I think I could fuck a wet dream sometimes. Just when I'm making progress, I always end up taking two steps back. In my previous post, I mentioned being confused, well it's much worse now. So my new "friend" and I went out last night. Everything was going great until he ex called him and the next thing I know, we are all meeting up at another bar. A normal person wouldn't have had a problem with this, but since I'm not a normal person...

I have alot of insecurities, and I wear my heart on my sleeve. Unfortunatly it's the product of previous bad relationships. Anyway, I got really hurt and the rest of the night was horrible. I know I'm in the wrong however, I just got couldn't get over it.

Now, lets talk about whats NOT my fault. So as we were leaving one of the bars last night before he had to go to work, I hear his ex say "so you're coming over tonight right", and he said "yes". Now I wasn't cool with that, but I have no right to say anything. Fast foward to the end of the night...we are driving home and I apologize for being all shitty earlier, and that all was kewl. He gets a phone call and doesn't answer it, but then starts to text messages "someone" right away. I already knew what was up, but decided not to let it affect me. Well we get home, I have to run out real quickly I ask him will he be HOME and awake when I get back he said sure. And he told me to come over...Well sure enough when I get home 20 mins later, guess who is gone. I call and he doesn't answer his cell phone.

Needless to say I wasn't pleased. It's just funny, I know, I was being all jealous and emotional earlier and that is my fault...But I don't appreciate being lied to...It really hurts my feelings.

Ok, there I vented.

Confused

I hate when I open myself up to people. Sometimes it backfires...Then I get all confused about things, and I always end up getting hurt. Maybe this time things will be different.